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In general MidJourney is extremely bad at likenesses. It’s not bad at mapping names to approximate types, but tends to completely miss all the subtle identity cues that humans are so optimised to recognise, producing images that look like people, but very much not the people requested. Occasionally, though, someone can be such an absolutely fucking relentless self-publicist that photos of them from every conceivable angle in almost every conceivable setting seem to have managed to infest the training set, such that the model is actually pretty good at deepfaking them.

So it is with our ex-PM, now also ex-MP, may he rot in Hell for all eternity.

For work reasons not worth describing I recently had occasion to confect a bunch of fake Borises. Most of the following I didn’t wind up using, on account being a bit too silly — so, lucky reader, you get the pleasure instead.

Boris Johnson’s dungeons and dragons group suffer a catastrophic defeat in the lost caverns of Tsojcanth, skit by Spike Milligan for Q7 1978

Boris Johnson joins a motorcycle gang

Boris Johnson selling nutritional supplements on cable television

Boris Johnson refusing questions from reporters outside the old Bailey

Boris Johnson appearing on strictly come dancing after leaving politics in disgrace

Boris Johnson performing the mad scene from Lucia di lammermoor

Boris Johnson in his dressing gown standing outside Tesco with a bottle of gin in one hand

(That’s enough Boris — Ed.)